I am a huge fan of the BBC. Not only do they produce the best mystery programming in existence, but they also have a great news service. I somehow find my news more authoritative, and less depressing, when offered to me in a lovely British accent and the BBC news website has a great end of the week news quiz that focuses on the more amusing and esoteric stories to have emerged in the past seven days.
So, in honor of my beloved BBC, I, too, am offering an end of the week quiz. What sets my quiz apart? It focuses on absolutely nothing that is at all current, newsworthy, and/or educational. Instead of exploring the hard hitting issues of the day, my quiz is going to focus on another sort of dilemma entirely: the three faces of John Thaw.
For those of you who have lives - or who only watch television shows made in this century - John Thaw was a British actor who starred in several successful television shows in the U.K. as well as in numerous films. Three of the television shows he is best known for include: The Sweeney, Inspector Morse, and Kavanagh, Q.C. As a local area librarian has informed me, on more than one occasion, "the ladies, and some of the men, just LOVE John." Which, belatedly, set my trivial brain to wondering . . . which John Thaw does the populace lust after? Do we kiss our posters of him as Regan in The Sweeney or are we penning our love poems to another one of his incarnations? Only this quiz can tell. To find out which version of the now deceased John you are, secretly or consciously, in love with, read on.
The Three Faces of John Thaw Quiz
(1) You prefer men who wear:
(A) wigs.
(B) leisure suits.
(C) neutral colored suits and ties.
(2) When John arrives at your home to pick you up for a night on the town, he will be driving:
(A) Who cares! All I need is the wig.
(B) Ford Consul GT, complete with chauffeur.
(C) Nothing but a 1960 Mark 2 Jaguar will do.
(3) When encountering a low life member of the community, your John Thaw would:
(A) Inquire as to whether he has represented him at trial previously; if not, he would give the hooligan a business card.
(B) Fabricate evidence proving his guilt, rough him up a bit and/or kidnap him until a confession could be secured.
(C) Pontificate about the failings of modern society while quoting an obscure 19th century poet.
(4) In his spare time, your John would be:
(A) Spending time with his children.
(B) Drinking at the pub with his mates.
(C) Alone, at home, drinking while listening to Maria Callas and/or completing a crossword puzzle.
(5) Which television show would your John most approve of:
(A) Rumpole of the Bailey.
(B) Life on Mars (the British version, thank you very much!)
(C) Inspector Lewis.
So which John are you smitten with? Total up the number of A's, B's, and C's you selected and then check out the table below. If you have an equal number of two of the letters you are simply stark raving mad about John in general. Congratulations.
Congratulations: you are secretly, or openly, smitten by John's portrayal of a barrister in Kavanagh, Q.C. How does Kavanagh do what he does to you? Perhaps it is his love of law and order, his commitment to social justice, and his ability to have a relatively normal personal life. Or perhaps you just go for a man in uniform. In either case, you are definitely guilty of having the hots for a robed and coiffed John Thaw.
Congratulations: you are secretly, or openly, in love with John's portrayal of DI Regan, the tough talking red-tape cutting member of the Met's Flying Squad. How does Regan do what he does to you? Perhaps it is his awesome 1970's wardrobe and his oversized walkie talkie and other gadgetry. Or it could be his Dirty Harry like refusal to allow scum to walk the streets unmolested. No matter where the source of your devotion lies, you might be willing to commit a felony or two if it meant being apprehended by this John.
Congratulations: you are secretly, or openly, in love with John's portrayal of DCI Morse, Oxford's premier scholar policeman. How does Morse do what he does to you? This one is easy: he owns a Mark 2 Jaguar and he's the Byronic hero par excellence. He broods; he drinks (a lot); he has a first name that he absolutely will not reveal to you; he can complete an impossible crossword puzzle in mere minutes; he has an encyclopedic knowledge of, and appreciation for, classical music and opera; and he studied English literature at Oxford. Did I mention he also has had less luck in the romance department than even Merricat herself? Too true. While Merricat has dated people who are completely apathetic about her existence, and who laugh when she trips over things, Morse has pined after women who: (a) use him as their alibi in attempts to get away with murder; and (b) lie to him while protecting the real criminal mastermind. Oh, Morse: how the ladies of Oxford failed you. In case you cannot tell, Miss Merricat is partial to Inspector Morse which means, for all intents and purposes, that he is off limits. So scroll back up and become either an A or a B this minute. I am not joking.
If you are devastated that this quiz has come to an end, do not fret. There are other totally inane quizzes out there upon which you can waste a few more minutes of your existence. I am particularly fond of the "Who Wants to Marry a Founding Father (or Mother)" Quiz available here. Just be careful not to fall for Merricat's Founding Father or we'll have to arm wrestle for him.
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